Children in need, not misdeed


In the Philippines, there are more than 36 million people under 19 years old who are living in utterly inhuman conditions. About a million and a half children are estimated to live on the streets. They survive by begging for food and through petty theft. In spite of laws against child labor, more than three and a half million children from 5 to 17 years old work under grueling conditions. The data regarding child abuse and neglect in the Philippines are considered to be below the actual figures since the current statistics only reflect reported cases of abuse.

Recently, a survey by the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) reflected a sudden increase in the number of children that resulted from increased awareness and reporting in the community. Most of these children in this survey were victims of child abuse and neglect, also known as “child maltreatment.” Child maltreatment is a behavior toward a child that is outside the norms of conduct and entails substantial risk of causing physical or emotional harm. Child maltreatment can be a single incident, but it is usually a pattern of behavior that takes place over time. There are four types of recognized maltreatment. These are physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse (psychological abuse), and neglect.

The causes of child maltreatment are varied and not well understood. Abuse and neglect are often associated with physical injuries, delayed growth and development, and mental problems. They are more common in poor and extremely poor families than in families with higher incomes. Child maltreatment is also associated with psychological and emotional problems such as aggression, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. In extreme cases, child abuse and neglect can lead to death.

Child abuse is also linked to an increase risk of substance abuse, eating disorders, obesity, depression, suicide, and sexual promiscuity later on in their lives. Women who were victims of physical assault during their childhood are twice as likely to be victims of physical assault as adults. There are also evidences which suggest that victims of child maltreatment are more likely to engage themselves in criminal behavior as juveniles and adults than others.

Although it is said that the most important relationship for all beings is that with their parents or with their families, child maltreatment often starts at home. Unfortunately, an alarming number of parents do not understand the importance of the parent-child relationship. They are often too young or unprepared for such responsibility. Their inability to commit to good parenting techniques causes serious detriment to the lives and well being of their children.

Children who have been maltreated are usually unwilling or unable to reveal their situation to someone because of parental threats, or a feeling of loyalty to the family. For children who are in school, while carefully asking a child may help to unearth details of maltreatment, teachers need to be aware of non-verbal ways in which the message of abuse may be communicated. The presence of one indicator alone does not necessarily mean that maltreatment has occurred. If there are a number of indicators, then immediate counseling is needed for the child. It is the process by which a professional helps a person cope with mental or emotional distress, and understand and solve personal problems is called counseling.

Individual and group counseling sessions usually take two years or even longer. The goal of undoing life-long damage can be very difficult because the damage pervades every aspect of a child. There may also be physiological changes that cannot just be “counseled” away. Medication can be useful for the symptoms of depression, anxiety and other symptoms, but should never be dispensed in the absence of counseling for the root of the problem. For children, play therapy and family therapy can be helpful.

It is important to help a child deal with the abuse as well as the psychological problems they report. Research indicates that without some form of intervention against child maltreatment, the long-term consequences for children can be nightmares, feeling of insecurity, feeling unsafe, poor school performance and low self-esteem. They are also more likely to be abusive or become victims of abuse themselves.

Abusive Relationships: Leave and Re-live!

Everyone, at least once in their lives, have experienced getting into a relationship. When you are in a healthy relationship, both individuals support each other, sharing the good times and helping or supporting each other through the tough times. When someone matters deeply to you, and those feelings of trust and respect are returned, it enables us to face the world with confidence. Building and maintaining a healthy relationship needs commitment from both sides to make their partnership work. But it is truly worth all the effort because when you are in a good relationship, you feel good about your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you also feel good about yourself.

Not all relationships work that way no matter how much we might want them to. When there is violence, the relationship can become really destructive which can make it both physically and emotionally dangerous. Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships. Emotional abuse, like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others can be difficult to recognize because it doesn’t leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt not just during the time it’s happening, but long after too. Sometimes, abusive relationships are easy to identify because some of the abuse may be very subtle. In general, abusive relationships have a serious power imbalance, with the abuser controlling or attempting to control most aspects of life.

While appearing to be powerful, abusive individuals are often very dependent upon their partners for their sense of self-esteem. Sometimes they expect their partners to take care of day to day tasks which most adults handle for themselves. Abusive partners often feel powerless in the larger world. The relationship may be the only place where they feel a sense of power. Attacking their partner’s abilities or sense of self-worth is one way that abusive individuals maintain a sense of power, esteem, and control. At a deep emotional level, abusers often feels that they are not good enough and fear abandonment. By keeping their partners in a fearful or dependent state, they attempt to ensure that their partners will not leave them.

However, there are positive steps for coping with an abusive relationship such as:

Maintaining outside relationships and avoiding isolation.

Seeking “reality checks” by talking to others if you suspect that your partner has been abusive.

Learning about resources available to people in abusive relationships.

Identifying a “safe place” you can go to in an emergency if your partner becomes threatening or violent.

Reading self-help books about healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Seeking professional counseling or talking to someone you trust to help you sort through the issues that may be keeping you in an abusive relationship.

Begin to develop a support system, so that if you choose to leave the relationship, you will not be alone.

Remember, abuse has no place in love. If a person made you feel inadequate, useless and fearful then it already may be the time to escape the abusive relationship. Studies show that people with healthy relationships really do have more happiness and less stress than those in an abusive relationship. One should know that abuse and violence is not acceptable in any kind of relationship, if you know from your heart of hearts that you have to get out of the abusive relationship, seek help and leave the relationship and re-live your life!

Be a Man (Issues on male sex abuse)

No matter how we deny the fact, a growing number of the present male population admit to having been sexually abused in their respective workplace. Defying society’s preconceived notions of male chauvinism, with men as the aggressor, isn’t necessarily what happens in real life. No matter how strong their portrayal of male power is, they too need some protection from workplace abuse and sexual advances. A growing number of male employees are officially seeking for judicial protection and legal option as they openly profess their predicament being sexual abused.

Male sexuality, because of society’s precepts, is often misconstrued. They think that all males are incapable of being abused just because they are the stronger sex. And it’s just but fine for men to be at the receiving end of dirty talk, suggestive actions and indecent proposal — both male or female proponents.

For its part, the World Health Organization(WHO) defines sexual health as a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Male sexual health, to be properly observed, must be free from discrimination, violence and coercion. Now with this in mind, let us ask ourselves, is male sexual health being observed in an avenue of chronic sexual abuse,

However, according to a recent study, men do have second thoughts in filing a law suit against a female co-worker or supervisors.

There are a lot of male abuses that are being reported nowadays. With this, men are slowly opening up to the fact that they need not to conceal the harsh things that they experienced in the workplace. They are slowly being educated with what they need to know about healthy male sexuality.

Sexual health, as defined, requires an agreement and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences. Men do need to enjoy these acts of procreation. But how in the world would a man enjoy such things under harsh and uncomfortable circumstance, (Yes, men also can feel awkwardness.)

Observing male sexual health doesn’t necessarily only mean the ability to enjoy and engage in sexual activity. More than that, it is the idea of protecting one’s healthy sexuality within his utmost ability. The sad part is, some male, due to the preconceived notions of male abrasiveness, keep mum about the issue and continue to live their lives as if nothing nefarious has transpired.

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), the Federal agency in charge of administrative and judicial enforcement of the federal civil rights laws, enjoins all male who have experienced sexual advances and abuse to file complaint following first the company’s protocol on such complaints. They also said that if the employer cannot or will purposely not act on the complaint, their agency is willing to help you in all means possible.

Men also have the right to seek justice for any sexual abuse that has been done to them. Being open about it doesn’t necessarily make you less of a man, but the idea vigilance further stress the mark of being a man. Keeping mum on the issue wouldn’t help at all. Being vocal about it, however, could call attention and would secure proper and immediate actions to be dished out to you.

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Sailing Through the Rough Waters of Relationships

There’s more to a relationship than just being romantic during candle-lit dinners and having an enjoyable sex life. People involved in a serious relationship should take into consideration each other’s physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. It should be founded in the proverbial understanding, trust, respect, and love.

Although all relationships sail through rough waters, without these ingredients it will be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. There are certain situations where a partner may exhibit unacceptable and abusive behaviors. Violence in a relationship is not just physical abuse. It can involve psychological or emotional bullying.

Abusive relationships are characterized by extreme jealousy, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy, raging, sexual coercion, infidelity, verbal abuse, threats, lies, broken promises, physical violence, power plays and control games.

The damaging effects of emotional abuse is sometimes even greater than physical abuse, though it is often harder to recognize, and therefore to recover from. It causes long term self esteem problems and complex emotional consequences for the abused partner. Abuse typically alternates with declarations of love and statements that they will change, in order to “hook” the partner into the relationship.

Although there are some men who are abused, women are more likely to become the victim of an abusive relationship. Abusers are often very charming and acts very convincing to everyone. This charade usually has a confusing effect on the abused partner, one or both partners think it was their fault. Telling other people about the real situation makes the person feel awkward due to the image that the other partner man has projected with others.

People should be aware of the following warning signs that tell they may be entering an abusive relationship:

When your partner has been in a violent relationship before. Abusive people rarely change.

Almost every abuser claims that he or she was the real victim.

When your partner always put your friends down and makes it difficult for you to see them.

Abusive individuals lose their temper over trivial things.

The abusive person has very rigid ideas about the roles of men and women and can’t / won’t discuss it reasonably.

The mood swings of abusive individuals are so erratic that you find yourself constantly trying to assess your mood and only think in terms of his or her needs. Having a healthy relationship is essentially about having give-and-take between the partners.

Sometimes, it is important one or both partners to have some emotional or physical space away from each other. When the a partner is too controlling, no such space is allowed.

When your partner criticizes you all the time – about your weight, your hair, your clothes, etc.

When your partner makes all the decisions in your relationship and ignores your needs or dismisses them as unimportant.

Take note of behavioral patterns that show control, restriction, and disrespect. No partner should should keep the other person from making his or her own choices in life. Abusive relationships cannot be changed from one side. It cannot change without sustained group therapy. Staying in the relationship is to condone the abuse and helping your partner to stay sick. Removing the abused partner from the situation as well as group therapy and counseling is necessary in healing the relationship.

Reasons Why A Female Client Will Exercise With A Female Personal Trainer

Losing weight personal training is a very private matter especially for women. There are different concerns to consider when you are choosing a Personal Trainer. One of the very most concerns especially if you do the personal training at home is gender. Of course, women are different from man especially in terms of training. Most women wanted to trim down and tone their tummy not to add a six pack abs. Men personal trainers have a tendency to ignore and coach their clients as they want for themselves. But of course, most of the women didn’t want to experience that. They don’t want to gain a six pack abs.

Of course, aside from that there are other reasons why women client will have to exercise with a female personal trainer. Don’t you know that if a female client will hire a male personal trainer, there are some negative feedbacks,

First, a female client will feel insecure when they do the exercising program intimately looking around by a strange man on her own home. Then, if you are exercising with your the same gender, it is okay whatever your workout attire. Unlike if you are exercising with a male personal trainer, you will be thinking of something that your trainer wouldn’t see your private or flesh body parts. Then you will be thinking almost everyday what to wear because of the insecurities. Of course as a woman, you will prefer that your trainer will help you much your prefer goals because she knew what you want. And of course, some female client wanted to form friendship with her trainer. And of course, if a female client hires a female personal trainer, she already knows and understands your body cycles such as menstruation (of course, you can’t do the exercise if a male personal trainer is guiding you during menstruation).

Of course, as a women client, you want to avoid an uncomfortable moments like he is holding your elbows to guide your weight lifts with intimate or closer body heat on your back from his muscular chest. Until you will create an accidentally intimate hug then if unprofessionally he will kiss you. Then if case to case basis that a woman client will allow what the unprofessional male personal trainer is touching her sweaty elbows then going to the butt and proceeded to a private room doing sex.

Most of the woman client wanted to be professional from their personal trainer either male or female. The difference between a female personal trainer and the male, the first one is assertive while the latter is very aggressive trainer. Of course, if you are doing your personal training at home, you don’t want your boyfriend or your husband to get jealous from your male personal trainer.

Then a woman client wanted a Personal Trainer who can advice a good health from their own gender and also wanted a trainer who you can relates personally. An example is when you talk about showbiz gossips, a female trainer might relate to your topic compare to men. Of course, a female client get nervous and even distracted when someone from opposite gender is looking all over her body sweating.

And the best of all, most women think that personal training with the same gender will create better results.