Children in need, not misdeed

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In the Philippines, there are more than 36 million people under 19 years old who are living in utterly inhuman conditions. About a million and a half children are estimated to live on the streets. They survive by begging for food and through petty theft. In spite of laws against child labor, more than three and a half million children from 5 to 17 years old work under grueling conditions. The data regarding child abuse and neglect in the Philippines are considered to be below the actual figures since the current statistics only reflect reported cases of abuse.

Recently, a survey by the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) reflected a sudden increase in the number of children that resulted from increased awareness and reporting in the community. Most of these children in this survey were victims of child abuse and neglect, also known as “child maltreatment.” Child maltreatment is a behavior toward a child that is outside the norms of conduct and entails substantial risk of causing physical or emotional harm. Child maltreatment can be a single incident, but it is usually a pattern of behavior that takes place over time. There are four types of recognized maltreatment. These are physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse (psychological abuse), and neglect.

The causes of child maltreatment are varied and not well understood. Abuse and neglect are often associated with physical injuries, delayed growth and development, and mental problems. They are more common in poor and extremely poor families than in families with higher incomes. Child maltreatment is also associated with psychological and emotional problems such as aggression, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. In extreme cases, child abuse and neglect can lead to death.

Child abuse is also linked to an increase risk of substance abuse, eating disorders, obesity, depression, suicide, and sexual promiscuity later on in their lives. Women who were victims of physical assault during their childhood are twice as likely to be victims of physical assault as adults. There are also evidences which suggest that victims of child maltreatment are more likely to engage themselves in criminal behavior as juveniles and adults than others.

Although it is said that the most important relationship for all beings is that with their parents or with their families, child maltreatment often starts at home. Unfortunately, an alarming number of parents do not understand the importance of the parent-child relationship. They are often too young or unprepared for such responsibility. Their inability to commit to good parenting techniques causes serious detriment to the lives and well being of their children.

Children who have been maltreated are usually unwilling or unable to reveal their situation to someone because of parental threats, or a feeling of loyalty to the family. For children who are in school, while carefully asking a child may help to unearth details of maltreatment, teachers need to be aware of non-verbal ways in which the message of abuse may be communicated. The presence of one indicator alone does not necessarily mean that maltreatment has occurred. If there are a number of indicators, then immediate counseling is needed for the child. It is the process by which a professional helps a person cope with mental or emotional distress, and understand and solve personal problems is called counseling.

Individual and group counseling sessions usually take two years or even longer. The goal of undoing life-long damage can be very difficult because the damage pervades every aspect of a child. There may also be physiological changes that cannot just be “counseled” away. Medication can be useful for the symptoms of depression, anxiety and other symptoms, but should never be dispensed in the absence of counseling for the root of the problem. For children, play therapy and family therapy can be helpful.

It is important to help a child deal with the abuse as well as the psychological problems they report. Research indicates that without some form of intervention against child maltreatment, the long-term consequences for children can be nightmares, feeling of insecurity, feeling unsafe, poor school performance and low self-esteem. They are also more likely to be abusive or become victims of abuse themselves.

Abusive Relationships: Leave and Re-live!

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Everyone, at least once in their lives, have experienced getting into a relationship. When you are in a healthy relationship, both individuals support each other, sharing the good times and helping or supporting each other through the tough times. When someone matters deeply to you, and those feelings of trust and respect are returned, it enables us to face the world with confidence. Building and maintaining a healthy relationship needs commitment from both sides to make their partnership work. But it is truly worth all the effort because when you are in a good relationship, you feel good about your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you also feel good about yourself.

Not all relationships work that way no matter how much we might want them to. When there is violence, the relationship can become really destructive which can make it both physically and emotionally dangerous. Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships. Emotional abuse, like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others can be difficult to recognize because it doesn’t leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt not just during the time it’s happening, but long after too. Sometimes, abusive relationships are easy to identify because some of the abuse may be very subtle. In general, abusive relationships have a serious power imbalance, with the abuser controlling or attempting to control most aspects of life.

While appearing to be powerful, abusive individuals are often very dependent upon their partners for their sense of self-esteem. Sometimes they expect their partners to take care of day to day tasks which most adults handle for themselves. Abusive partners often feel powerless in the larger world. The relationship may be the only place where they feel a sense of power. Attacking their partner’s abilities or sense of self-worth is one way that abusive individuals maintain a sense of power, esteem, and control. At a deep emotional level, abusers often feels that they are not good enough and fear abandonment. By keeping their partners in a fearful or dependent state, they attempt to ensure that their partners will not leave them.

However, there are positive steps for coping with an abusive relationship such as:

Maintaining outside relationships and avoiding isolation.

Seeking “reality checks” by talking to others if you suspect that your partner has been abusive.

Learning about resources available to people in abusive relationships.

Identifying a “safe place” you can go to in an emergency if your partner becomes threatening or violent.

Reading self-help books about healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Seeking professional counseling or talking to someone you trust to help you sort through the issues that may be keeping you in an abusive relationship.

Begin to develop a support system, so that if you choose to leave the relationship, you will not be alone.

Remember, abuse has no place in love. If a person made you feel inadequate, useless and fearful then it already may be the time to escape the abusive relationship. Studies show that people with healthy relationships really do have more happiness and less stress than those in an abusive relationship. One should know that abuse and violence is not acceptable in any kind of relationship, if you know from your heart of hearts that you have to get out of the abusive relationship, seek help and leave the relationship and re-live your life!

Be a Man (Issues on male sex abuse)

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No matter how we deny the fact, a growing number of the present male population admit to having been sexually abused in their respective workplace. Defying society’s preconceived notions of male chauvinism, with men as the aggressor, isn’t necessarily what happens in real life. No matter how strong their portrayal of male power is, they too need some protection from workplace abuse and sexual advances. A growing number of male employees are officially seeking for judicial protection and legal option as they openly profess their predicament being sexual abused.

Male sexuality, because of society’s precepts, is often misconstrued. They think that all males are incapable of being abused just because they are the stronger sex. And it’s just but fine for men to be at the receiving end of dirty talk, suggestive actions and indecent proposal — both male or female proponents.

For its part, the World Health Organization(WHO) defines sexual health as a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Male sexual health, to be properly observed, must be free from discrimination, violence and coercion. Now with this in mind, let us ask ourselves, is male sexual health being observed in an avenue of chronic sexual abuse,

However, according to a recent study, men do have second thoughts in filing a law suit against a female co-worker or supervisors.

There are a lot of male abuses that are being reported nowadays. With this, men are slowly opening up to the fact that they need not to conceal the harsh things that they experienced in the workplace. They are slowly being educated with what they need to know about healthy male sexuality.

Sexual health, as defined, requires an agreement and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences. Men do need to enjoy these acts of procreation. But how in the world would a man enjoy such things under harsh and uncomfortable circumstance, (Yes, men also can feel awkwardness.)

Observing male sexual health doesn’t necessarily only mean the ability to enjoy and engage in sexual activity. More than that, it is the idea of protecting one’s healthy sexuality within his utmost ability. The sad part is, some male, due to the preconceived notions of male abrasiveness, keep mum about the issue and continue to live their lives as if nothing nefarious has transpired.

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), the Federal agency in charge of administrative and judicial enforcement of the federal civil rights laws, enjoins all male who have experienced sexual advances and abuse to file complaint following first the company’s protocol on such complaints. They also said that if the employer cannot or will purposely not act on the complaint, their agency is willing to help you in all means possible.

Men also have the right to seek justice for any sexual abuse that has been done to them. Being open about it doesn’t necessarily make you less of a man, but the idea vigilance further stress the mark of being a man. Keeping mum on the issue wouldn’t help at all. Being vocal about it, however, could call attention and would secure proper and immediate actions to be dished out to you.

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Sailing Through the Rough Waters of Relationships

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There’s more to a relationship than just being romantic during candle-lit dinners and having an enjoyable sex life. People involved in a serious relationship should take into consideration each other’s physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. It should be founded in the proverbial understanding, trust, respect, and love.

Although all relationships sail through rough waters, without these ingredients it will be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. There are certain situations where a partner may exhibit unacceptable and abusive behaviors. Violence in a relationship is not just physical abuse. It can involve psychological or emotional bullying.

Abusive relationships are characterized by extreme jealousy, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy, raging, sexual coercion, infidelity, verbal abuse, threats, lies, broken promises, physical violence, power plays and control games.

The damaging effects of emotional abuse is sometimes even greater than physical abuse, though it is often harder to recognize, and therefore to recover from. It causes long term self esteem problems and complex emotional consequences for the abused partner. Abuse typically alternates with declarations of love and statements that they will change, in order to “hook” the partner into the relationship.

Although there are some men who are abused, women are more likely to become the victim of an abusive relationship. Abusers are often very charming and acts very convincing to everyone. This charade usually has a confusing effect on the abused partner, one or both partners think it was their fault. Telling other people about the real situation makes the person feel awkward due to the image that the other partner man has projected with others.

People should be aware of the following warning signs that tell they may be entering an abusive relationship:

When your partner has been in a violent relationship before. Abusive people rarely change.

Almost every abuser claims that he or she was the real victim.

When your partner always put your friends down and makes it difficult for you to see them.

Abusive individuals lose their temper over trivial things.

The abusive person has very rigid ideas about the roles of men and women and can’t / won’t discuss it reasonably.

The mood swings of abusive individuals are so erratic that you find yourself constantly trying to assess your mood and only think in terms of his or her needs. Having a healthy relationship is essentially about having give-and-take between the partners.

Sometimes, it is important one or both partners to have some emotional or physical space away from each other. When the a partner is too controlling, no such space is allowed.

When your partner criticizes you all the time – about your weight, your hair, your clothes, etc.

When your partner makes all the decisions in your relationship and ignores your needs or dismisses them as unimportant.

Take note of behavioral patterns that show control, restriction, and disrespect. No partner should should keep the other person from making his or her own choices in life. Abusive relationships cannot be changed from one side. It cannot change without sustained group therapy. Staying in the relationship is to condone the abuse and helping your partner to stay sick. Removing the abused partner from the situation as well as group therapy and counseling is necessary in healing the relationship.

Reasons Why A Female Client Will Exercise With A Female Personal Trainer

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Losing weight personal training is a very private matter especially for women. There are different concerns to consider when you are choosing a Personal Trainer. One of the very most concerns especially if you do the personal training at home is gender. Of course, women are different from man especially in terms of training. Most women wanted to trim down and tone their tummy not to add a six pack abs. Men personal trainers have a tendency to ignore and coach their clients as they want for themselves. But of course, most of the women didn’t want to experience that. They don’t want to gain a six pack abs.

Of course, aside from that there are other reasons why women client will have to exercise with a female personal trainer. Don’t you know that if a female client will hire a male personal trainer, there are some negative feedbacks,

First, a female client will feel insecure when they do the exercising program intimately looking around by a strange man on her own home. Then, if you are exercising with your the same gender, it is okay whatever your workout attire. Unlike if you are exercising with a male personal trainer, you will be thinking of something that your trainer wouldn’t see your private or flesh body parts. Then you will be thinking almost everyday what to wear because of the insecurities. Of course as a woman, you will prefer that your trainer will help you much your prefer goals because she knew what you want. And of course, some female client wanted to form friendship with her trainer. And of course, if a female client hires a female personal trainer, she already knows and understands your body cycles such as menstruation (of course, you can’t do the exercise if a male personal trainer is guiding you during menstruation).

Of course, as a women client, you want to avoid an uncomfortable moments like he is holding your elbows to guide your weight lifts with intimate or closer body heat on your back from his muscular chest. Until you will create an accidentally intimate hug then if unprofessionally he will kiss you. Then if case to case basis that a woman client will allow what the unprofessional male personal trainer is touching her sweaty elbows then going to the butt and proceeded to a private room doing sex.

Most of the woman client wanted to be professional from their personal trainer either male or female. The difference between a female personal trainer and the male, the first one is assertive while the latter is very aggressive trainer. Of course, if you are doing your personal training at home, you don’t want your boyfriend or your husband to get jealous from your male personal trainer.

Then a woman client wanted a Personal Trainer who can advice a good health from their own gender and also wanted a trainer who you can relates personally. An example is when you talk about showbiz gossips, a female trainer might relate to your topic compare to men. Of course, a female client get nervous and even distracted when someone from opposite gender is looking all over her body sweating.

And the best of all, most women think that personal training with the same gender will create better results.

Abuse: Spotting Signs of Emotional Wear and Tear

Relationships with other people can often play the role of “bread and butter” in a person’s life. As social creatures, human beings are drawn to one another for a variety of biological and psychological reasons. It is an integral component of a person’s psychological development and emotional stability. However, the benefits are not entirely absolute. It is possible for people with extreme social misgivings, such as loners and hermits, to live without too much damage to their mental health. The isolation gets to you after a while, but there’s nothing really too fractured up there. As a sort of mirror to that reality, it is also quite possible for someone with numerous interpersonal relationships to find himself subjected to a menagerie of emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse, contrary to popular misconception, is not a problem relegated only to women. Sure, women are supposedly more predisposed towards bawling out their emotions, but men can also feel. Abuse is not always apparent in the behavior of the victim, despite what the stereotypes would have you believe. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to detect whether someone has been put through any amount of abuse outside of the physical arena, particularly if the havoc was done emotionally or psychologically. In some cases, people take great pains to hide the obvious physical signs of an abusive relationship, for their own specific reasons. These reasons can cover everything from blind devotion to not-so-subtle hints of psychological masochism. With that in mind, what exactly is the best way for someone to spot a person who might be caught in such an abusive environment,

Well, provided that a person can see both people involved in the relationship, there are a few things that can be used. One person blaming the other for their emotional state is often a good indicator of something being wrong, though whether there is abuse or codependency is unsure. Placing blame on mistreatment is also a common feature of this sort of environment. Specifically, the abuser is placing blame on the abused for the negative treatment, typically in connection with some sort of “trigger.” For example, the abused might have performed an action that displeased the abuser, prompting appropriate “retribution.” Being pressured into activities that the abused does not want to perform is also common, with sexual activities being among the more prevalent ones.

Relationships with other people can also be used as an indication of whether or not someone is being abused. In particular, close friends and family members can often be good indicators. Whether by instinct or by simply knowing the person well enough, close friends and family can often be the first ones to note that something is not quite right with a person’s relationship with an abusive individual. How the abused is treated around friends and family, while not very common, can be a clear indicator as well. Abusive treatment that has gone on for an extended period tends to build a sense of comfort in the abuser, which sometimes causes him to more openly mistreat the abused. While the harm is more intense in private, verbal and subtle emotional abuse can be observed in interactions, particularly with family members of either party.

Enough Is Enough: Divorce and Emotional Abuse

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Men and women deal with a lot of abuse in the family. But unlike any form of domestic violence, emotional abuse is the strongest yet the most subtle of all. It is too subtle that sometimes even the abused partner does not notice it. This kind of abuse leaves no identifying physical evidence, yet leaves a lasting mark to the abused person’s self esteem.

Emotional abuse may be described as subjecting a partner consistently to insult, embarrassment, scorn, shame or hurt.

Emotional abuse may manifest itself in many different forms: from something as simple as mocking a partner for their beliefs or faith, or telling them nobody wants or likes them; to something as demeaning as telling a partner that he’s worthless; to

the extent of threatening to hurt a partner or their family. People subjected to emotional abuse are constantly accused and criticized, and often faulted for every little thing they do.

Domineering partners use emotional abuse to control, degrade, humiliate, or punish a partner to submission. This is comparable to how prison guards manipulate prisoners of war being cooperative. They use isolation to cut off any form of external support from friends and family, making victims dependent to the abusers. Abusers also use threats and intimidation to force a partner to submission. Abusive partners use negative criticism to demean a partner about his appearance, actions and abilities.

Victims of emotional abuse often manifest the following symptoms:

Depression.
Fearfulness
Withdrawal.
Social isolation
Suicidal tendency
Feeling of guilt and shame

Because partners are constantly exposed to ideas of being worthless, they start believing the lies over time and tend to develop low self-esteem and eventually develop the symptoms mentioned above.

Abusive relationships usually cycle around 4 phases:

Phase 1, tension building. This is when the tension begins,communication starts falling apart, and the victim feels an intense need to please or placate an abuser.

Phase 2, incident. This is when the actual verbal and emotional abuse happens. The abuser starts getting angry, blaming and arguing with the victim. The abuser threatens and intimidates the victim.

Phase 3, reconciliation. This is when the abuser apologizes for what he’s said and done. He passes the blame onto the victim, denying any abuse he’s done, or says that what he did wasn’t that bad as the victim thinks it is.

Phase 4, calm. This is when the incident is forgotten. The relationship is at peace, and no abuse is being done to the victim.

Resolving emotional abuse

In a relationship, both partners should learn to say when enough is enough. An abusive environment is never good for

both parties, especially for the children. Children who grew up in an abusive domestic environment tend to carry this behaviour when he has his own family. As parents, it is necessary to work on resolving emotional abuse issues as early as possible before it destroys the entire family. Of course it is natural for an emotionally abusive partner to decline to undergo counseling, denying the fact the he is subjecting his partner to such abuse. However, for the good of everybody in the family, certain steps must be taken to stop the abuse.

Counseling. Both partners need to talk to a trusted therapist or counselor to discuss the origin or the reason behind the abusive behavior.Counseling also helps regain trust, confidence, and self-esteem.
Trial separation. Some time away from each other to understand the importance of each partner in the relationship is sometimes helpful to make the abuser aware of his mistakes.
Divorce. If an abusive partner refuses to acknowledge the fact that he is manipulating and taking advantage of his partner,it is time to let go of the relationship and start life anew.

Love is supposed to help us grow, not trap us like a prisoner. If you feel like you’re being boxed in by an abusive partner, speak up. It is never ok to let yourself be subjected to so much abuse. It is not advisable to immediately jump into a divorce, try to work it out first. With the right help, you might still be able to rebuild a happy married life.

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Dating Abuse _ Is Not A Loving Relationship

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All too often when people think of dating abuse they think of sexual and physical abuse. These types of abuse are inexcusable to be sure, but the more subtle forms of abuse such as verbal and emotional can often do more damage and aren’t as easily recognized.

If your partner is telling you that you are unworthy in some way, that is abuse and you don’t have to take it. When someone does things like that it is really about their own insecurities. They have some fairly serous issues if they feel like they need to do virtually anything to control another person. If they were truly confident in the person they were and what they had to offer, they wouldn’t need to use ‘scare tactics’ to try and maintain their relationship.

The problem is that many people are so hungry for some sort of love and affection that they will accept this form of ‘love’. You have to understand the difference between love and abuse before you can ever hope to have a truly loving relationship.

Here are some common misinterpretations of what love is:

1. If your partner texts you hundreds of times a day that’s not love. It is controlling and childish. They are worried about what you are doing and who you are with. A true love would trust that their partner loves them in return and wouldn’t feel the need to keep tabs on them by texting (or calling, emailing, etc) them throughout the day. Not love.

2. Getting overly jealous when you talk to someone else. Some people may be flattered by the attention and think it means that their partner really loves them. Think again. If your partner is so insecure that they fly into a rage just because you talked to someone else, not only do they not love you, they don’t love themselves. Again it comes back to a lack of self esteem and that leads to fear of loss and the need to control, with abuse if necessary. It’s not love.

3. Making fun of your friends, the way you dress, your weight, the way you cook, etc. None of these things is a problem if it’s done occasionally and with love, but if it’s done all the time with few or no times when they are complimentary of you, it’s abuse. In other words, does your partner spend most of their time making you feel good about yourself and your life, or do they spend most of their time cutting you down and making you feel like a failure,

4. Playing games by flirting with others and trying to make you jealous. I hate to sound like a broken record but so many of these unappealing behaviors can be traced directly back to a persons low self esteem. The truth is that when someone likes themselves they simply don’t need to control others or make them feel bad about themselves. It’s only when someone knows that they are lacking as a person that they try to push others down so they can feel better about themselves. Playing games like flirting with others, is just another sign of someone who is not only insecure, but very immature as well.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that the bad relationship you are in isn’t really a sign of dating abuse but rather just the way your partner is. Abuse is abuse, whether it’s emotional, verbal, physical or sexual and you don’t have to put up with it.

Relationship Breakup – Why It Happens, What to Do and How To Prevent It

A relationship breakup happens for a number of reasons, most notably because of either lack of communication or abuse of some kind such as emotional, physical, mental or even substance. It is one thing to have nothing to talk about because you two are probably thinking about different things at that time. But when you constantly not talk to each other and ignore what each other says, then that begins to be a problem. More importantly, finding interesting things to do together and nice projects to work on that both of you can relate to is vitally important to prevent a relationship breakup.

The emotional abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse are significant factors in determining whether a relationship should break up or not. No person ever deserves to be abused, and no on has the right to abuse their partner. A slap is abuse – plain and simple. When you realize that, then you will be well on your way to breaking up your relationship. Mental and emotional abuse is just as bad. When your partner puts you down and criticizes you without giving you encouraging statements, then that is a form of mental and emotional abuse. Even if they say that you “deserve” it, that is not true either. No person deserves to be put down or called “stupid” or “dumb”. If this continues, then it is probably time to breakup the relationship.

When you are breaking up the relationship, it is important to start cutting ties from your partner, such as friends, family and co-workers. You should block him or her on Facebook and other social networks, and delete his or her number from your phone. Surround yourself with supportive family members of your own, your closest trusted friends, and any advisers from your local church or community center.

If your partner breaks up with you, step back and take a deep breath. Find someone who you know and trust and talk it out with them. Cry it out if you have to. In every sad stage in life, there must be some sort of grieving or else that feeling will be bottled up inside you. There are some things you can work on for yourself in order to prevent any problems that might have arose in the past one. Even though it may not have been your fault, aim to communicate with your partner more and to be a better listener. Also be more open to doing new activities. Pick someone who shares your same values and beliefs, and is not addicted to substances or drinking alcohol. These are just some things you can do to prevent a relationship breakup.

Domestic Violence And Depression

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More and more people are reporting incidents of domestic violence to the police. If you are a victim of domestic violence you will be aware of just how frightening it can be. The question that many people ask is what are the causes of this violence, is the person just a lunatic or are there other reasons behind it.

According to the latest reports alcohol has a large part to play in leading to cases of domestic violence. In the example of a husband hitting his wife when he is drunk, this is typically what can happen. For the sake of making this article easier to read, I shall call the husband John and his wife Linda.

John is a really nice guy when sober. Linda is very much in love with him and hopes that they will grow old together. John is a great father to their two children, is helpful around the house and is a great cook. The problem occurs after he has had rather too much to drink. John now becomes a whole different person, he starts to accuse his wife of having an affair, becomes abusive and very argumentitive. Linda realising he is drunk attempts to walk away to leave John to his bad mood, this only adds however to his anger and he starts to become violent.

The next morning John can not believe what he has done and is full of regret and remorse. He can not say sorry enough and begs for Linda’s forgiveness. He promises that it will never happen again and states that he will give up the alcohol if that would make his wife happy.

Linda is not sure what to do, she would love to forgive and forget but feels that it is very likely that it only happen again in the future if she does.

In many cases people like Linda will forgive their partner or husband a number of times before eventually losing patience with them.

My advice for John would be to stop drinking alcohol straight away. This seems to be the cause of all of these problems, therefore you need to find something else to have an interest in.

Another cause of domestic violence is known to be depression. Some people who are normally very relaxed can become very angry and abusive when in a deep state of depression. They can take their problems and frustrations out on their partner much like in the example above.

A few days or weeks later when the person in question is feeling a lot happier, they will not believe what they have done.

Whether it is because of depression or alcohol, one solution to this domestic violence problem could be to attend some form of anger management program, that is for people like John.